English Majors are Zombies!?

October 21, 2017 by aubreyfoust

As October 31st draws nearer by the day, WIU students’ heads are filled with spooky thoughts of ghosts, ghouls, and things that go bump in the night. Werewolves, vampires, witches, and, of course, the Zombie. You may or may not know that there are many ways to turn into a zombie. For example, being exposed to cosmic radiation or perhaps stumbling into a vat of toxic waste. There’s also the prospects of genetic manipulation, biological weaponry or becoming an English major…yes, you read that last part right! “Becoming an English major?” you might laugh “How does becoming an English major turn you into a zombie?” This is no laughing matter my friend! When that chilly Autumn air roles in with the familiar smell of pumpkin spice, Simpkin’s halls become a very spooky place to reside.

Imagine this: you’re minding your own business when, suddenly, you hear a ghastly moaning and groaning. “Eek!” You shout only to turn and find your friend Tess slumping down the hallway caring her mountain of English textbooks. With a sigh of relief, you round the corner only to bump into your other friend Bryce who has dark circles under her eyes. She greats you with a familiar groan “Ohhh…Heyyyy…I was up all night typing papers” she shrugs. You laugh it off and head for your next class, you open the door and hear someone softly groaning “Brain..s..Brain…Brains…” You gasp in horror only to be greeted by your friend Matt rubbing is temple “Ugh my Brain…hurts.” You shake it off this last encounter and continue to go about your day, but it’s not long before you notice everyone has those familiar dark circles under their eyes and everyone is moaning with exhaustion in Simpkins.

[Mentions from left to right] Brittney Douglas, Anabel Torres, Tess Tyler, Laura Landa, Emily-Bryce Swain, and Matt Thrush

You quickly come to the stark realization that they have all turned into zombies! So what is there to be done? Can the English majors be saved? Will they ever be their normal selves again? Don’t fret my dear friend this happens every October, and the spell is usually lifted shortly after midterms are completed. It won’t be long before the English majors can return to their normal selves. Well…as normal as they can be.